Tag Archives: zombie apocalypse

The Zombie in Miami – and More Proof the Zombie Apocalypse is Here

Well, y’all, I was going to comment on — and, yes, even make light about — the zombie in Miami in this post, but after investigating it further, the shocking details seemed to over the top even for this blog. If you want to read about the gory details (and the even more gory pictures that have started to surface) a brief splash in the Google pool will turn up more than you need.

The Zombie in Miami - and More Proof the Zombie Apocalypse is HereImage by Jayel Aheram via Flickr

However, little did I know that the zombie in Miami was just the tip of the iceberg…

The Zombie in Miami – And more Proof the Zombie Apocalypse is Here

…this latest incident is not so much a warning shot as it is another in a disconcertingly intensifying stream of zombie-invoking headlines — all from the past two weeks, and all from the Sunshine State.

It all started on 5/16 with an ominous story about a “mysterious rash” at McArthur High School in Hollywood that launched a HazMat investigation. Twleve students and two teachers were treated and released. The source of the rash remains unknown.

Flashfoward two days: HazMat crews were called in to Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport to determine the source of an “unknown chemical” that sent five people to the hospital. Theories abound, but an exact cause was not confirmed.

On 5/20, the first real sign of trouble: 41-year-old Dr. Zachary Bird, was arrested by the Florida Highway Patrol near Orlando and charged with felony battery charges for spitting blood in a patrolman’s face. He was also “extremely agitated and enraged,” and repeatedly banged his head on the patrol car’s plexiglass partition “until he bled.”

A few days later, another mystery rash was reported at yet another Broward County school. A HazMat team was once again called in to investigate, and once again left without any concrete answers.

The following day, a “disoriented” Canadian man was arrested aboard an American Airlines plane after he inexpicably attempted to rush the cockpit. The plane had just landed in Miami.

On Saturday, an unidentified homeless man had some 80% of his face bitten off by 31-year-old Rudy Eugene.

And here’s the bad news: Whatever’s happening in Florida appears to be spreading. The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign tweeted the following the following warning to its students last night: “Hazardous materials released at Institute for Genomic Biology. Escape area if safe to do so. Otherwise seek shelter.”

And in Hackensack, New Jersey, today, a man was rushed to the hospital after he reportedly cut out his own intestines and threw them at police officers.

…More at Grab Your Boomstick: The Zombie Apocalypse May Actually Be Upon Us – Gawker

This is it. This is how it starts. People, how many zombie movies do we have to watch before we recognize that the apocalypse is upon us!!

Zombie Tools: How to Defend in the Jungle

My daughter Hannah is packing zombie tools for yet another of her annual trips to the dark jungles1 of Central America. I’m not at liberty to disclose her destination, but let’s just say it’s fraught with danger. And danger2 can only mean one thing: Zombieeeeees! To prepare for her inevitable3 encounter with said zombie hordes, she has packed accordingly:

Zombie Tools - Photo by Hannah PlumerCreative Commons License Hannah Plumer

Hannah’s Zombie Tools

Here’s what she has packed, (left to right):

  • Handsaw: Sharp, light, easy to carry and easy to cut with.
  • Collapsable shovel: For collapsing the thin skulls of zombies. Also light and easy to carry.
  • Archeologist’s trowel thingy: Perfect for gouging, stabbing, and throwing.
  • Machete: THE item for any zombie toolkit. It’s practicality speaks for itself. Essential.

Not shown, but equally important (just barely visible along the top of the picture): a bottle opener ring (can be used as a last-resort weapon for scratching furiously) and a flask. Note that this is not an ordinary flask. The black skull indicates two things. One, I’m a bad-ass.4 Two, I have drinks available should none of the above weapons do the trick — who’s in?

Take this post as a warning and learn from Hannah’s5 preliminary zombie tools kit: be prepared, be vigilant, be smart. And if all else fails, get shit-faced. Seriously, you want to go out like that sober?

So what are you packing for the inevitable? Let us know in the comment section below!


Show 5 footnotes

  1. And cheerful meadows
  2. At least on this blog
  3. And eagerly anticipated
  4. As if having a complete zombie killing kit didn’t say that already…
  5. By the way, in case you haven’t figured it out, my daughter is an Archeologist specializing in Maya civilization, culture, and artifacts. Especially bones. She digs bones. And yes, not included in the kit, but carried separately are a whip, pistol, and fedora.

Zombie Swag

Just had to share this with you. While trolling around reading stuff about zombies — ERRP!! — I mean, while working hard at my professional career as author, thinker, and influencer, I came across this neat little video. Yeah, it’s commercial. Yeah, it’s promotional. But the host is cute, and the Zombie Swag is fun (gotta gift that umbrella!). If you like, subscribe to the series and or watch more on YouTube here:  http://www.youtube.com/show/cheapcoolcrazy?s=1 .